AS HONEST AS I'VE EVER BEEN


QUANG NAM PROVINCE, VIETNAM, 1967


If I were running for office I'd get it all up front: I've been bad. I've had VD. I've had threesomes in both configurations. I've had a lot of lovers as most of us did in the sixties. I've had lovers older than me and younger than me. I've never had sex with anyone who didn't want to have it. I've smoked pot, ingested acid, peyote, mushrooms, marijuana, cocaine, mescaline and probably a couple I can't remember. Oh yeah, speed, and the worst was alcohol, which almost killed me. I've hung out with a lot of political folks, mostly on the left. I've shot guns and opposed them. I've hurt people and been hurt. I've been in a war and turned against the same war. I've been in the hospital for depression/PTSD and I've helped people with the same. I love people and animals, but animals more than some people. I've been stupid and I got smart. Real smart. I'm disorganized and messy but I can deliver, especially creatively. I can't manage calculation or cynicism. I don't have the stomach for it. But I can be spontaneously angry and fiercely loving. My form of spirituality is trying to tell the truth, especially to myself, as much as possible. I believe life is a miracle although suffering dims it. And, of course, I'd be a terrible politician -- I can't compromise on basic human rights -- so this confession is all pointless.

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